January 21, 2009 - Warzone XIV

[The Council]

>>>>>> PARENTAL ADVISORY <<<<<<
This program contains adult language and mild nudity. Parental guidance is suggested.

* Ultimate Wrestling Association Warzone begins with the lovely Alice Winters in the ring and ready to make an announcement to start the show. *

Alice Winters – Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, “The Guy from the Whitest Town in America” Ronnie Dwight aka Ronnie D!!!!!!

* “Gangsta Gangsta” by N.W.A begins to play over the PA system and Ronnie D makes his way out from the back to a slew of boos from the hateful crowd. The sound of the boos is so deafening, that it feels that your head is going to explode. He walks with a swagger down the ramp, as fans toss beer, food, vulgar obscenities, and shoes at him. He gets up on the ring steps and holds his arms up once he turns around and acknowledges the crowd. Someone almost hits him in the head with a soda, but the ice and liquid land on his shirt. As he enters the ring, someone heaves a half eaten burrito and the sauce and beans shower his face. The crowd laughs and a few sombreros are hurled into the ring. Ronnie kicks one of the sombreros out of the ring and picks up a second and wipes his ass with it before hurling it back out to the crowd, then wipes his face with a third sombrero and tosses that back to the crowd. He pulls a microphone out and before he starts to speak, the San Antonio crowd starts to sing “San Antonio Rose” by Patsy Cline. *

(Deep within my heart lies a melody,
A song of old San Antone.
Where in dreams I live with a memory,
Beneath the stars, all alone.

Well it was there I found, beside the Alamo,
Enchantments strange as the blue up above.
For that moonlit pass, that only he would know,
Still hears my broken song of love.)

Ronnie D – Hey, hey, hey. Oh, I see how yall wanna play. Singin’ old song, like I’m supposed to be intimidated; when I’m about the new school, the old school has been downgraded.

(Moon in all your splendor, known only to my heart,
Call back my rose, rose of San Antone.)

Ronnie D – I’m in San Antonio Texas, the home of the Spurs and Longhorn championships; I’ll punch Tim Duncan and Colt McCoy in they mouth, and leave ‘em both with bloody lips. Texas is bullshit, now that’s the way I really wanna put it, sippin’ on that Texas Tea makes me wanna spit it.

(Lips so sweet and tender, like petals falling apart,
Speak once again of my love, my own.

Broken song, empty words I know,
Still live in my heart all alone.)

Ronnie D – You all can go to Hell, and tell Satan I sent cha; and half of ya in this crowd are illegal here in America. Yeah, I said it, you border hoppers are no good for this country, you build a house near my home and then you get all comfy. Warzone is my home, it’s the home that doesn’t invite none of you, because the one’s opening up the door is going to be one of Irvin’s Crew.

(For that moonlit pass by the Alamo,
And rose, my rose of San Antone.

Broken song, empty words I know,
Still live in my heart all alone.
For that moonlit pass by the Alamo,
And rose, my rose of San Antone.)

Ronnie D – The Crew that’s goin’ to take over the Ultimate Wrestling Association like a plague, and we goin’ ta blow up like pullin’ the pin out of a live hand grenade. Explosive abilities guardin’ the man with the tongue of a demon, words that stick like you all got sprayed with semen.

(And rose, my rose of San Antone.
And rose, my rose of San Antone.)

Ronnie D – The rose peddles of San Antone have all fallen to the floor, and there’s no way Jake Titan can win or even the score. Tonight, the champion is looking to redeem himself after an embarrassing defeat, I don’t want any of that drink, because it’s goin’ to come up a bit sweet. Cake Boy Mary could become our next champion, who seen this comin’? Mary sure couldn’t, when he’s got a pipe in his rear plumbing. And that’s how I view the people of San Antone, I hold my nose up to you people, because you’re nothin’ but a bunch of assholes.

(And rose, my rose of San Antone.
And rose, my rose of San Antone.)

(And rose, my rose of San Antone.
And rose, my rose of San Antone.)

Ronnie D – Yo, I’m outta here like I’m hittin’ my switches, so good night you taco eatin’ sons of bitches.

BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

* The people start to riot and try to rush the stage, PSA are holding them back as shoes and cowboy boots are hurled in Ronnie’s direction. He holds his arms out, in a gesture to taunt the raging crowd. A few guys slip by PSA and hop up onto the stage and chase Ronnie to the back. The assailants are holding knifes and head to the back after him.

The camera switches to the back, as Ronnie continues to run and look back. The two fans are still giving chase, slipping on the floor as they turn corners and slam into the wall, like wild animals. They are yelling at him in Spanish…….. *

Angry Spanish Fan #1 – ¡Vuelva a chico aquí blanco! ¡Apuñalaremos y cortaremos el corazón fuera!

Angry Spanish Fan #2 – ¡Entonces viviremos en el sótano de su madre!

Angry Spanish Fan #1 and #2 – ¡Viva La Raza!

* Ronnie is running for his life as he’s sweating and scared. The two guys are gaining on him and as Ronnie turns the corner, Derek Wellings emerges and spears both men. They drop their knife’s and hold their midsections as Derek and Michelle stands over them. Michelle picks up the knifes and throws them down the hallway. *

Ronnie D – Yo man, I gotta thank you for saving my back, and droppin’ flat those two wetbacks.

Derek Wellings – Next time you fake thug, leave the shit talkin’ to a real man.

* Derek spits on the two guys and steps over them, heading towards the stage entrance. *

Derek Wellings – Makes me want to enlist as a Border Patrol Agent. At least I get to shoot em down before they come over and drive down the property values.

Michelle Wellings – That’s right, and your opponent is one of the main causes for driving down property values.

Derek Wellings – Jake Titan is a dead man.

* The shows Derek and Michelle walking down the hallway, and then shows the two Spanish guys still laid out on the ground. The introduction to Warzone XIV begins……… *

[The Council]

Jessica Swift – Welcome everyone to UWA Warzone. I’m Jessica Swift and of course, the man you all love to hate, and hate him do you all………..

Irvin Fury – Irvin “My love muscle is swollen, is it full of cum, or is it full of hemoglobin? I don’t know, so why don’t you pull on it, because when the time comes, it’s going to be a goddamn load of fun”………Fury.

Jessica Swift – Is all that on your birth certificate?

Irvin Fury – No, but an ink imprint of my penis is.

Jessica Swift – Tonight fans, by way of his surprising victory over the UWA Champion at Warzone XIII, Cake Boy Mary can meet destiny head on and become the new UWA Heavyweight Champion.

Irvin Fury – I don’t think Mary is interested in “destiny”, more than he’s interested in “Richard”. Anyway, the queer you all love to fear can become the new UWA Champion tonight if he can defeat the man many say is on the verge of a breakdown, The Grand Mystique. He defeated him, pretty soundly, if you ask me, with little Vaseline, and The Grand Mystique has been uptight about him slipping all week.

Jessica Swift – He’ll really need to get his head together and focus on defending the title in order not to suffer another embarrassing loss to the guy no one wants to face.

Irvin Fury – Did you see that match last week, Jesse?

Jessica Swift – Yes, I did. And what about it? I felt it was a highly competitive match and the better man won.

Irvin Fury – It was like watching a gay soft porn tease. You think my mouth is bad, that match was certifiably gross.

Jessica Swift – Well, he has the chance to redeem himself or we will be drinking lots of fruit juice during his celebration.

Irvin Fury – Count me out…

Jessica Swift – Also tonight, we’ll see Derek Wellings taking on Jake -------

Irvin Fury – Don’t say his name. He’s garbage and we tried to send him on his way but he keeps coming back for more. I don’t know why he keeps trying to get at me, it’ll never happen.

Jessica Swift – Derek and Michelle Wellings are returning from a lengthy worldwide tour, and as you saw just a few moments ago, he’s already on his way to the ring.

Irvin Fury – He’s about to get down to business, and in a hurry. That’s why I like the guy.

Jessica Swift – Also, we’ll see how tested and great Noah Hanson truly is, when he takes on former UWA Champion, Red Solomon.

Irvin Fury – That snotty bastard, Noah Hanson, called Red Solomon a show opener and I swear he thinks we’re in Cleveland this week. Anyway, he really pressed some buttons this week and I hope Red Solomon shuts him up.

Jessica Swift – With those swift and deadly roundhouse kicks, he just might knock him out.

Irvin Fury – More like putting a foot in his mouth, literally. Then I can’t speak for it, because the names speak for themselves, Tommy Polo and Leon “The Virus” Roberts will be teaming up, taking on the two men who gave them the con-chair-to at Warzone XIII, DJ Styles and Jason Verve.

Jessica Swift – Just call them fiends and everyone will know who you’re talking about.

Irvin Fury – That match is a hardcore tag team match, so advantage goes to Polo and Virus. They are hot and looking for revenge after what happened to them.

Jessica Swift – Lets get the action started.

[The Council]

Ally Winters stands in the ring after the short braek. She fixes her hair as "The War is Over" begins playing. The crowd begins booing.

*** Ally Winters ***
The following match is the opening bout and is schedueled for one fall. Making hsi way first to the ring at 275 lbs standing 6'4" from Lowell, Massachusettes he is accompanied by his wife Michelle Wellings, "The Airborne Ranger" DEREK WELLINGS!

Michelle comes out first her back facing the crowd with her yelling at someone. The crowd boos until the see Derek walk out with a toilet lid around his neck. Jake Titan follows in suit and the crowd pops loudly. The three make their way to the ring, but Jake & Derek aren't going easy as their giving one another stiff hits. Derek grabs a fans' beer can and smashes it over Titans head. He walks away holding his eye and Derek runs over with a Knockout Clothesline but Titan backbody drops him into the crowd. They move away fearing his fat ass landing on them.

*** Jessica Swift ***
This isn't schedueled to be a hardcore match, but I don't think they care. They fight's been started almost a month ago.

*** Irvin Fury ***
HELL YEAH! First thing we see is a match with a 99.99% of chance of blood all because of childish behavior thanks to the Grunt who destroys for a living. RUIN HIS SHIT WELLINGS!

*** Jessica Swift ***
You can not say that word on the air Irvin.

*** Irvin Fury ***
I don't care, it's what? $500 fine? I make more than that jerking off into a cup at the spank bank. But since my seed is reserved for women of a high calibur such as yourself of Chesty McChestorson I don't NEED their chump change.

Jake climbs up on the guard rail preparing for an aerial attack, but Derek uses his feet and throws a chair at Titan knocking him over. Derek rolls out of the way, grabs one of the folding chairs and just creams Titan with it several times. He just takes it all in and instead tackles the Ranger to the ground and begins punching him. Michelle climbs over the railing and hollars orders at Derek. Titan begins walking to her and she gets behind a large fan. He instead moves behind her and pushes her to Titan. He points and laughs at her. She goes to smack him, but he catches her and begins to pull away at her shirt. Before it can give Derek applies a Dragonsleeper on Titan, however Titan manges to get loose and attempts a Belly-to-Belly Suplex on the cement but Derek counters him with a Belly-to-Back Suplex. Titan grinds his teeth and instead attacks Dereks' knees with some kicking of his own.

Derek backs off allowing Titan to stand up once more. Titan walks over, grabs a bag of popcorn and smashes it in his face and the three being making their way to the food & drink area. Jake just hammers away with some strong fists but as the near the "Little Caesers" Derek counters with a Knife Edge Chop following up with a Chokeslam on the floor. He walks over to the man. "Can i get a large pepperoni and sausage?" Derek reaches in his tights and pulls out his wallet wrapped in a sandwhich baggie. The man shrugs as he's handed a $20 bill. Derek turns around to see Titan on his knees. Derek attempts to put him in a Powerbomb, but it's countered with a Hurricarana. Derek flies into a steel barrel knocking it over. Several bottles fly out and Derek grabs a glass bottle. One flies over to Titan. Both men grab and break one end and call the other on swinging the broken bottles for vital organs.

*** Irvin Fury ***
POOR MANS KNIFE FIGHT! I'll give Titan a homefield advantage as he's probably use to it from living in Harlem. But I'll give Derek it over Titan, I doubt that somoene with that much combat experience will lose to a Ghetto Rat like "The Original Gangsta".

*** Jessica Swift ***
Watch your mouth. But as much as I hate to say it, you're right. Most likely if someon does come out as a winner, it'll probably Derek because of what you said. But just to spit eyou, I'm still rooting for Jake.

The two men swing a few times and Wellings gets slashed across his stomache. He notices the cut, he wipes his blood on his fingers and licks them clean. The swing a few more times and Titan gets a cut on his arm, blood splatters on the ground from both men. Titan finally throws his at Welligns who ducks it. He then tosses his at Titan who BARELY ducks it and it instead shatters on the wall behind the "Little Caeser" cashier. He passes out place the pie on the counter. Derek runs at Titan for a Big Boot, but once more Titan blocks him and low blows him. He falls over and Titan smiles walking over to his pizza. He opens the box lid and begins to share it with the patrons around him.

He leaves two slices behind but instead eats the dripping sause on his opponents back. Derek runs to a wall, and begins to slide it across getting it off. Titan chews on it for a few moments and tries spitting it at Michelle in her hair. She screams trying to get it out. Derek comes out of no where hitting a Knockout Clothesline forcing Titan to do a 360 in the air before landing on the mat. Derek grabs a try of nachos and drops it over Titans' head. He screams out, grabs the hot cheese in his hand and tosses it at Wellings' eyes. He moves and it splatters on the wall.

*** Jessica Swift ***
Food fighting and brawling. This is a very interesting match. I just wonder if Wellings'll get his change back.

*** Irvin Fury ***
No give it Titan. He needs it to buy more crake and beer. He needs all the hand outs he can get his hands on.

Derek and Jake jump to one another again and this time The Airborne Ranger gets the upperhand and knees his opponent in his gut. He grabs his opponent by his bald & cheese bruned head. Once more they're in the audience area comming from behind Fury & Swift. Derek tries throwing Jake down the stairs, but Titan drops to knees causing his opponent to lose his grip. Titan instead Scoop Slams Wellings on teh ground and he begins sliding dows the stairs.

Michelle pushes TItan from behind, he begin to roll down the stairs. Wellings stops first and Titan rolls ontop of him. He groans and push him of himself. Wellings uses some chairs to stand up but Titan gets up on his own. He runs at TItan with a Clothesline but Wellings HIptosses him into the folding chairs cuasing them to fly around, the fans move to avoid Jakes body. Derek stands on some chairs, climbs up on some guard rails and comes off with a Splash on Titan, both men groan as the heavier man crashes on him, and bangs his knees against the crowd. The crowd cheers as Titan grabs a Pepsi and tosse it at Wellings.

Both men begin kicking one another. Michelle runs down and begins stompping Titan into the ground. Derek gets to his hands and knees, he begins crawling down to the ring and flops over by Titan. Michelle is tripped and falls down onto a few chairs. Titan dragging his right foot behind him. Wellings places his hand on the time keepers table and catches his breath. Titan climsb over followed by an angry Michelle Wellings. Titan grabs Wellins by his ears, however Derek takes the ring bell and introduces it to his face. He falls over over holding his mouth. Wellings throws the bell down on the floor, ringing it in the process of landing on the floor.

Wellings grabs Titan by his shirt collar and tosses him into the ring. Maverick MIcheals runs down to the ring as Wellings slides in. He summons the bell to beging the match. Michelle hangs out in her husbands corner. He grabs TItans' head and slams it a few times against the canvas, pulls him ot his feet and hits him with a Basic Training. He climbs up the turnbuckle and comes off with a splash. He doesn't stay on for a pin and instead climbs up and comes off with a second splash. Once more Wellings doesn't stay on him, and instead goes to the ropes and Slingshot Frog Splashes his opponent. Derek gets to his knees and calls for the end. He pulls Titan to his feet and hits him with a AIT (Advanced Individual Training). Derek goes for a pin, ONE... TWO... TITAN REVERSES IT! He grabs the rope in aiding him. ONE!... TWO!... THREE! Micheals calls for the bell as the fans go berserk. Titan rolls out of the ring a clear cut is scene on Jakes' forehead from the bell.

*** Irvin Fury ***
NO WAY! BULL CRAP! NO!

*** Jessica Swift ***
I cannot believe it either. Against all odds, Jake Titan pulls out the victory using a cheating technique that someone like Fury or Wellings would use.

*** Irvin Fury ***
CHEATER! I CALL SHINANIGANS!

*** Jessica Swift ***
Titan: 1, Wellings: 0 in matches.

*** Ally Winters ***
Here is your winner by pinfall JAKE TITAN!

[/b][/color]

Titan walks away facing the ring with the ref holding his hand up. Titan smiles and laughs at both Wellings and Fury. Derek begins slamming his fists against the canvas. The camera goes to the first commercial break.

Commercial Break[/center]

[The Council]

Jessica Swift and Irvin Fury, along with the fans, are still astonished by what they saw in the last match. The bell rings several times with Ally Winters in the ring ready to call.

*** Ally Winters ***
This is your opening match and it is scheduled for one fall. Making his way first to the ring accompanied by his manager Alexxus weighing in at 240 pounds standing 6'4" from The Mosh Pit, he is ANTHRAX!



"The Game" hits, and he walks out. He looks down, does a silent prayer, and then points to the sky. He walks down silently, until he gets into the ring. He jumps onto the turnbuckle, and with both hands, points up, and a bolt of lightning comes down onto the beginning of the ramp, setting it on fire

*** Jessica Swift ***
He made a really impressive showing last week by defeating Redemption. Hopefully Redemption can live up to his name by redeeming himself. Anthrax is going to go far if he can focus on his promos and make them longer, but I have no doubt he'll be up for a challenge.

*** Irvin Fury ***
Yeah the challenge of success. Now he has a woman with him? This is madness!

***Jessica Swift ***
Madness?... THIS... IS... SPARTA!

Some extra pyro goes off just as Jessica jokingly quotes King Leonidas from 300. She begins laughing and Irvin nearly craps his pants. Alexxus places her hands on Anthrax’s shoulders and help usher him to the ring. He climbs up the steps, brushes his feet off and climbs through the ropes with his valet waiting for him on the outside.

"Johnny B. Goode" starts up and the fans are in a mixed reaction over Daniel McCloud who comes out wearing one of his many house coats with a pipe, smoking away. He stands there a moment and looks out at Anthrax.

*** Ally Winters ***
His opponent weighing in at 210 lbs standing 6' tall. From Dublin, Ireland he is "The Greatest Living Legend Alive" DANIEL MCCLOUD! Your referee is Sarah O'Doyle.

*** Jessica Swift ***
Poor Daniel, he's torn between his heritage and his friend The Masked Grappler.

*** Irvin Fury ***
That's the Masked Geezer to you missy.

*** Jessica Swift ***
Oh Irvin...

*** Irvin Fury ***
I'm sure I'll be able to get to say that tonight. Now picking up from where you left off, Daniel is torn between the ghosts of his past, probably being a failure drunk of a husband, of his dead wife... whatever her name is... and the other geezer stinking up this ring: The Masked Grappler. Personally we should sit them in a home where they can no longer both us. Get mistreated and neglected by a broken health care system. Let to gather stench and filth so bad that not even their loved ones will visit or take care of them. Too bad we don't have those, I'd call them Nursing Homes personally.

*** Jessica Swift ***
No... just no.



Daniel makes his way to the ring after finishing his pipe. He stops part of the way and taps it clean on the cement and places it in his robe. He climbs up the stairs and wipes his feet off. He notices one sigh that says "GREATEST DRUNK ALIVE" and glares at the fan. Anthrax however doesn't wait for him to enter and hip toss him into the ring. Anthrax immediately jumps on top and begins hammering away on his face. Daniel gets to his feet and hits a Dropkick taking him down long enough to remove his coat and give it to Ally Winters.

The two meet get up and circle each other for a few moments like in the 20s when men wrestled bears. Daniel snaps first and pushes Anthrax into a corner and Knife Edge Chops his chest. The crowd woos and McCloud begin kicking away at his opponent. However he's caught his foot and hit with a dropkick from Anthrax. He keeps his leg locked and begins attacking McCloud’s knee with stomping on the side. McCloud tries rolling away but Anthrax has a GOOD grip and just gets simple leg lock for his hard work. He holds it in several seconds and finally lets go. He doesn't waste time as he does a Springboard Moonsault and attempts an early pin. ONE... and Daniel gets his shoulder up. Anthrax lifts him up, grabs his knee and lifts McCloud high in the air and drops him on the ground. He holds his knee and falls over. Not wasting time again, he heads to the top rope, and comes off with a double foot stomp on his opponents wounded knee.

McCloud rolls out of the ring favoring his knee, but Anthrax runs out and tries to spear his knee. But McCloud is quick and rolls into the ring and Anthrax spears the turnbuckle pole instead. Alexxus comes over worry about him while McCloud has a moment to readjust his knee brace and catch his breath. It isn't long and his opponent is the ring again. This time McCloud is the first to snap and hits him with a Scoop Slam and jumps onto his opponents wonder shoulder. He spends a few moments jumping on it and stomping. But he gets tripped up and the two roll away from one another.

**** Jessica Swift ***
Right off the bat these guys are really tossing it at each other focusing on specific parts of their body.

*** Irvin Fury ***
Maybe we will get to see McCloud in a nursing home. You know after stomping around the Earth since the dinosaurs has to be a bitch when there is no free health care except in Canada.

McCloud gets up toe kicks Anthrax, moves behind him, and gives him a German suplex. Both get up and McCloud takes him down with a fireman’s carry following up with a headlock. He applies a ton of pressure on his head trying to crack his head open like a walnut. But Anthrax manages to get up to his feet, and attempts a back body drop, but McCloud rolls out of it and with a lot of effort sets him up in a Death Valley Driver but instead spins him around with a classic Airplane Spin. After four rotations, he nails the DVD and covers. But Anthrax kicks out at two.

McCloud applies a shoulder-lock but again Anthrax squeezes out. They get to their feet and McCloud stays in control with an arm drag. He gets up and is hit with a second arm drag. Both men are up and Anthrax is hit with a third arm drag and another Shoulder Lock. He growls but manages to put a foot on the rope. Sarah begins to count, but Daniel releases at a two count. Daniel gets to the top rope and waits. He jumps off with a Flying Clothesline but Anthrax reverses it and hits a Anthrax Special from out of nowhere instead. Both men are down.

The fans jump up and down cheering the action to continue. However "When We Were Young" starts playing and TMG makes his way out to a great reaction but a little mixed as well. He walks down the ring wearing one of Daniels coats along with a rib cage protector and wrist cast. McCloud rolls out of the ring and confronts him.

*** Jessica Swift ***
Ugh oh, not again. Looks like things aren't get better for either McCloud or Grappler.

*** Irvin Fury ***
Do you smell old people smell ore geezer cleaning disinfectant? I do and it sucks. We had a decent match going on and The Grappler has to interfere with it.

*** Jessica Swift ***
That's The Masked Grappler to you sonny.

The Masked Grappler and Daniel McCloud argue for several moments. Finally McCloud pushes TMG away. They're over heard calling one another different names, some which cannot be aired. "WHY ARE YOU HERE! GET OUT OF HERE OSCAR!" is heard from McCloud before Anthrax jumps up on the rope and hits a moonsault on him. Grapple backs away pointing and yelling "YOU NEED TO STAY FOCUSED! YOU NEVER COULD FOCUS THAT'S WHY YOU'RE RIDING MY COATTAILS!" TMG begins walking away with his eyes watering.

Anthrax whips McCloud head first into the ring stairs and he doesn't move. The crowd boos him and he quickly rolls McCloud into the ring. He drags him to his feet, then sets him and lands His Revenge (Vertabreaker) on McCloud. Just to add insult to injury, Anthrax applies the 4 of a Kind

[/u] (Figure Four Leglock) on Daniel McCloud. He doesn't fight and gets pinned by his own submission. Referee Sarah O'Doyle counts 1... 2...3 and rings the bell.[/i]

*** Ally Winters ***
Here is the winner of your match by pinfall, ANTHRAX!

Anthrax and Alexxus begin to leave the ring quickly as EMTs rush it to check on McCloud. She jumps onto him in a asexual way. But Anthrax just carries her up smiling and enjoying what he sees. McCloud comes to with the aid of smelling salt and the EMTs begin to help him back, he has a very mad look in his face.

*** Jessica Swift ***
Damnit, nothing foul did happen. Only thing that happened was McCloud got distracted by TMG who really wasn't causing a disturbance.

*** Irvin Fury ***
You know these geezers, they argue about Matlock all the time. Oh well, folks we'll be back with a better match with this weeks JWA:EWA Blast From The Past.

*** Jessica Swift ***
We'll be right back.

Fades to commercial.[/center]

[The Council]

* Warzone returns from commercial break as the cameras now focus on Irvin Fury as he’s getting ready to introduce this weeks Blast From The Past. *

Irvin Fury – When you say innovative, you think of Tommy Dreamer, right? Well, you may be right, if you think of a garbage wrestler who uses all the finishing moves that he sees on television as his common moveset, innovative. But in this case, I’m referring to Jostle Wrestling Alliance: Extreme Wrestling Action’s very first Elimination Chamber. Six of the baddest in JWA:EWA squared off in this innovative match, as it took place mere months after the WWF executed their Elimination Chamber. Participating in this match were Shane Douglas, Triple D, Thug, Vengance, Brimstone, and Vulcan. The match has an interesting concept as the winner will be the new JWA:EWA World Heavyweight Champion. The match was started new feuds as well as ended a couple, as the participants tried their very best to be on top of the world. Let’s take a look at this piece of history as this weeks Blast From The Past is the JWA:EWA Elimination Chamber from Holiday Hell 2003.

BLAST FROM THE PAST

JWA:EWA
HOLIDAY HELL
DECEMBER 21, 2003

* When the scene shifts back to the ring. The Elimination Chamber is being lowered around the ring. Inside the ring, JWA:EWA Owner, Al Powers is standing next to WWA Owner, Winter Sanderson. Powers has a microphone and begins to speak. *

Powers - This is it fans. My gift from me to you……The Elimination Chamber for the vacant JWA:EWA World Heavyweight Championship!!!! I would first like to introduce to you, the man who I have struck a business deal with to make JWA:EWA a better place. The man, who has merged his company WWA with JWA:EWA. The owner of WWA, Winter Sanderson!!!

* There is a great reception for Winter Sanderson as he is handed the microphone from Powers. *

Sanderson - Thank you all for the great reception. This merger that is to come will mark a great day in the history of JWA:EWA and WWA. Yes, WWA will cease to exist as it's own entity, but it is not dead. The talent will re-open Action Zone and run it's shows there, as Mr. Powers will see to it that the other talent that is currently signed to JWA:EWA get a fair shake and be moved around, so the talent will be evenly dispersed. In the coming weeks, there will be a JWA:EWA World Television tournament, in which 4 WWA superstars will take on 4 JWA:EWA superstars to crown a new JWA:EWA World Television Champion. So be on the look out for the brackets in the coming days. Now onto the current business at hand. I have been made an honorary ring announcer for tonight's main event……..THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!!!! So introducing first. Hailing from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 184 pounds, he is the current JWA:EWA Intercontinental Champion……….Vulcan!!!!!!!!

* The lights in the arena begin to dim as smoke begins to emanate from the stage and behind the curtain. Dawn of the Dead by Murder Dolls begins to blare over the PA system. On Extreme Vision, a graveyard can be seen with Vulcan getting closer to the camera, when he emerges from behind the curtain, materializing from the smoke. The fans blow their tops when he appears. He is wearing his title belt and walks slowly to the ring. He slides in and holds his belt high. Al Powers is clapping for him and gives him a thumbs up. He even winks at him. Vulcan bypasses and continues to play to the crowd. Then he takes his place in a chamber cell. *

Sanderson - The next man hails from Parts Unknown, weighing in at 200 pounds, a former two time JWA:EWA World Heavyweight Champion…….Vengance!!!!!!!

* Cocky by Kid Rock begins to blast over the PA system as Vengance appears from behind the curtain, limping. He still has a look of determination on his face as the fans cheer for him. He slides into the ring and plays to the crowd on every corner. He walks past Powers and looks Sanderson up and down. He throws his arms up once more, and enters his chamber. *

Sanderson - This next man is one of my favorites. He is what wrestling is all about. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 255 pounds, a member of The Triple Threat……….Shane Douglas!!!!!

* Perfect Strangers by Deep Purple begins to play over the PA system, as the fans continue to boo. Shane comes out from behind the curtain with a sinister smile on his face, holding up three fingers. As he makes his way down the ramp, gold pyro shoot up from the stage. Shane enters the ring, and stands on a turnbuckle. He hops down and enters his chamber, without any altercation. *

Dean Malenko - That's a first. He didn't run his mouth.

Sanderson - And the 4^th participant of……………..

* The lights in the arena begin to flicker red and black. Then the Gangrel Theme begins to play. Blood begins to flow on Extreme Vision as a fire rages out of control on the stage. Then suddenly a cold wind blows it away. The lights stop flickering and then go out. People in the crowd begin to panic, then suddenly, there is a large red explosion on the stage. Brimstone walks out of the fire and down the ramp. There is a wild cheering frenzy for the monster. He walks slowly down the ramp and enters the ring by stepping over the top rope. Powers is not afraid of Brimstone, as Sanderson is visibly shaken. Brimstone stands in the center of the ring and raises his arms and throw them down violently. Red flame shoot high into the air and Brimstone takes his spot in his chamber. Powers holds his head up high and does not blink, staring at Brimstone. Brimstone looks back at Powers with his one eye. *

Sanderson - Boy, that was scary. Now, the starters in the Elimination Chamber. First, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 248 pounds, a member of Parental Advisory, and a former JWA:EWA World Heavyweight Champion……….Thug!!!!!!!!

* Cleaning Out My Closet by Eminem begins to play over the PA system. The fans boo him out of the building. Thug emerges from behind the curtain and flips the bird to the fans. The boo's get louder and he loves it. Powers takes the microphone from Sanderson. *

Powers - What's the matter Thug, no rhyme for me tonight? The only way you'll get screwed is if you simply suck!!!!! I don’t do the screwing, the other 5 men in the ring with you, will do the screwing. So you should shut the hell up and get to business.

* Powers hands the microphone back to Sanderson. Thug enters the ring and gets into Powers' face. Thug and Powers do not back down from each other as Thug goes to a corner and waits. *

Sanderson - And the final participant in the Elimination Chamber. From, St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 165 pounds………Triple D!!!!!!!!!

* 'Yo, Yo, it's me, it's me, it's Triple D' is heard throughout the arena PA system, then The Rock Theme begins to play. Triple D comes out from behind the curtain to massive boo's from the crowd. Triple D comes out to the stage with a pissed look on his face. He marches down to the ring, as Powers and Sanderson leaves the ring. Triple D enters the ring and goes directly after Thug. The bell rings and we are on our way. *

Dean Malenko - Everything is at stake.

* Triple D grabs Thug by his head and throws him over the top rope to the steel grate that forms a floor. Triple D exits the ring and stomps on Thug. Thug gets to his knees and low blows Triple D. Thug grabs TD by his head and rams him face first into the steel chains that make up the steel cage. TD falls down, as Thug picks him up again and bodyslams him. Thug then walks over to Vengance's chamber and makes fun of his hurt leg. TD comes in behind Thug and rams his face into the glass. It doesn't break, but Vengance makes fun of Thug's face. TD tosses Thug back into the ring. *

Dean Malenko - For those who don't know the rules; every 3 minutes a chamber is randomly opened, thus, allowing a participant to enter the cage. You are eliminated, via pin fall, submission, and knockout.

Irvin Fury - This thing is huge. It looks to be 30 feet tall.

Dean Malenko - It is.

* Thug crawls on the mat, as Triple D mocks him and drops an elbow on Thug's back. TD picks Thug up and hits a Hard Scoop Slam. TD kicks Thug's arm in and takes off his elbow pad. He tosses it towards Vulcan's chamber, runs, hits one side of the ropes, and then hits the other, he drops the Heart Attack on Thug and makes the pin. Danny Davis counts: 1…….2……Thug kicks up. Then the arena lights darken and begin to flash…………… *

Irvin Fury - Here comes, The Franchise!!!!

Dean Malenko - Shane Douglas is now in the cage.

* The chamber door opens for Shane Douglas and he immediately goes after Thug. Shane and Triple D pummel Thug down to the mat. Triple D lifts Thug as Shane begins to punch him in the gut and finishes with a blow to the jaw. Triple D extends his hand to Shane but Shane slaps it away and clotheslines Triple D. Shane puts the boots to Triple D and throws up three fingers. The crowd boo's…… *

Crowd - BBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Dean Malenko - I see why no one likes Shane……he's a snake in the grass.

Irvin Fury - The man is trying everything possible to win the world title. You can't blame him for taking advantage of Triple D's hospitality.

* Shane picks up Triple D and kicks him in the groin. TD falls over, holding his nuts. Shane laughs and walks over to Thug. Thug grabs Shane by his tights and forces him face first, into the top turnbuckle. Shane stumbles around the ring and is hit with a Throwback from Thug. Thug goes for the pin: 1………2…….Shane kicks out. Thug throws Shane into a corner and follows with a clothesline. Triple D comes out of nowhere and hit's a Super Kick on Shane. He hooks the leg and goes for a pin: 1……2….Shane escapes. Thug picks up TD and throws him over the top rope. Thug exits and throws TD into the cage. Triple is now bleeding. Thug takes TD's head and begins to grind it across the cage. The arena lights darken and begin to flash……… *

Irvin Fury - Here he comes!!! The monster himself!!!

* The crowd cheers wildly, as the anticipation of the ravenous monster is finally over……the chamber door opens and Brimstone steps out of his chamber. He immediately goes after Shane Douglas. He lifts Shane over his head and launches him face first into the cage, then enters the ring. Thug stops grinding Triple's face in the cage and watches in shear awe. Then Thug runs, dives over the top rope back into the ring, but Brimstone catches him and delivers the Multiple Rib Breaker. He holds him after the third strike and flings Thug over his head to the mat. Brimstone picks up Thug by his throat and lifts him high into the air and hits a Chokeslam From Hell. Brimstone goes for the pin: 1……..2…..a bleeding Shane makes the save. *

Dean Malenko - Most people would have left Thug for dead. But no one wants to be left in the ring alone with Brimstone.

Irvin Fury - Which only means that Shane will continue to deal with another opponent.

* Brimstone gets up off of Thug and grabs Shane by his throat. A crimson masked, Triple D hits Brimstone in his back with a double axe handle. Brimstone releases Shane, turns and faces TD. TD hits Brimstone in the face once, then twice, then he hops back, spits in the palm of his hand and Brimstone grabs him by the throat. Shane comes in from behind and low blows Brimstone. Brimstone holds his nuts and waddles away. *

Irvin Fury - The weakness is exposed.

Dean Malenko - I don't care who you are. If you catch a blow to the nether regions, you are going down.

* Then all three men begin to gang up on Brimstone with kicks and punches as they back him into a corner. They are hitting them with their hardest punches and kicks. Thug runs and hits a Clothesline From Hell of his own, Brimstone staggers out of the corner. Triple D climbs the top rope and hits a Missile Drop Kick, still, Brimstone doesn't fall. Shane Douglas runs and tries a bulldog, but Brimstone doesn't fall forward. He turns Shane around and gives him The Burning. Shane is screaming in pain as TD and Thug continue to hit Brimstone in the back. The arena lights darken and begin to flash……… *

Dean Malenko - YES!!! Someone who may have Brimstone's number.

* The chamber door opens for Vulcan. Vulcan immediately goes after Triple D. The fans go wild with Vulcan tosses TD out of the ring to the steel floor. Vulcan climbs the top rope, jumps off and hits a Flying Dangerous DDT to TD on the steel floor. Vulcan is not done and begins to pummel the head and face of TD. Thug is trying to release Shane from Brimstone's clutches, by pulling his massive arms from Shane. Shane is fading fast, as Brimstone is squeezing the life out of him. Thug looks out at the crowd as if he doesn't know what to do. So he low blows Brimstone and he releases him. Shane drops to the mat like a sack of wet laundry. Brimstone waddles to a corner. Thug pins Shane: 1……..2…..a weak Shane kicks out. *

Irvin Fury - HAHAHAA!!! Thug tried to pin The Franchise, after Brimstone did all the work.

* Vulcan is grinding the face of Triple D into the steel floor. Vulcan takes both legs TD and flips him into an empty chamber, breaking the glass. TD is lying in the empty chamber, amongst the glass. Vulcan climbs back into the ring and goes after Thug. Thug hits Vulcan in the gut with a knee and DDT's him. Thug runs and hits Vulcan with a Lionsault. Thug hurt himself doing the move and is on the mat, holding his stomach. A weak and bleeding Shane crawls over to the ropes and tries to pull himself up. Brimstone runs over and hits a Big Boot, sending Shane over the top to the steel floor. TD pulls himself out of the chamber and goes over to Shane. TD delivers some Angry Stomps on Shane and stands him up. TD lifts Shane up by his legs and slingshots him into the cage. Shane is bouncing around on one foot, when Brimstone grabs him by the throat…….. Vulcan and Thug are on their knees slugging it out, when Shane comes flying at them when Brimstone tosses him back into the ring. TD stays outside of the ring, to stay away from Brimstone. Brimstone goes after TD and TD begins to climb the cage. Brimstone begins to shake the cage, but TD climbs on top of one of the chambers and stays there. Brimstone looks up at him and re-enters the ring. Both Vulcan and Thug try to pin Shane, but Shane eases himself out of the pin. Brimstone comes over and lifts Thug over his head, then launches him over the top rope like a javelin. TD see's his opportunity and hits a Senton Bomb on Thug, from the top of a chamber on the steel floor. TD looks to have hurt his ribs. *

Dean Malenko - Only one man remains. Vengance has to be the freshest man when he gets into the cage.

Irvin Fury - Or he can be the most frightened man, after watching the carnage.

* Shane is swinging on Brimstone, but the blows have no effect. Brimstone hits a heavy knee to the gut and clubs him to the back. Shane drops like a log. Vulcan jumps on Brimstone's back and tries a Sleeper Hold. Brimstone flips Vulcan off of his back and stomps on his chest. The arena lights darken and begin to flash… The crowd breaks into a chant…… *

Crowd - VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!! VENGANCE!!!!

Irvin Fury - Well, we know who's the last man.

Dean Malenko - Let me guess.

* The chamber door opens and Vengance goes after Thug on the outside. Vengance grabs Thug by his head and throws him into the chamber's glass. The glass does not break. Vengance repeatedly rams Thug's head into the glass, until Thug's head breaks through. *

Dean Malenko - That was absolutely brutal. An ordinary man would be dead.

Irvin Fury - He had to have rammed his face into that glass with the force of a car accident.

* Thug's face is bloody as Vengance makes fun of his face and hits a TDD on the steel floor. Vengance pins Thug: 1…….2……Thug somehow escapes. Vengance begins to bash the back of Thug's head on the steel floor. Triple D, manages to get back into the ring. He hits Brimstone in the ribs with some stiff shots. Brimstone turns around and TD tries for a Distructioner. He can't lift Brimstone as he catches an elbow to the back of his head. Brimstone lifts TD up and hits Revelations on TD. TD is spread eagle on the mat. But Vengance jumps into the ring and goes after Brimstone. Vengance is hitting rights and lefts, that seems to have no effect on the 7'5 monster. Vengance hits the ropes and hits a forearm to Brimstone's chest. Brimstone does not move and urges Vengance to hit him again. Vengance points up and Brimstone looks. Vengance kicks Brimstone in the gut, jumps up and locks on the Red Death. Vengance is clubbing Brimstone in his chest until he gets him to fall backward. Vengance drops Brimstone's back down across his knee and goes for a pin: 1……Brimstone lifts Vengance up like he was bench pressing and launches Vengance off of him. *

Dean Malenko - The absolute power of Brimstone is unbelievable!!!!

Irvin Fury - Granted that Vengance only weighs 200 pounds. He'll get tossed around like that all night long, against opponents two and a half times his size.

* Vengance pops up and goes right back after Brimstone. He hits and hits Brimstone in the back. Then all the other superstars join in on the beating, but Brimstone pushes everyone away. Vengance continues to go after Brimstone. Brimstone punches Vengance in the stomach and kicks him in the injured leg. Brimstone grabs the injured leg of Vengance and wraps it around the back of his head. Brimstone then sits down on the back of Vengance, locking on Hells Fury. The weight of Brimstone is too much for Vengance. *

Dean Malenko - My God!!! Hells Fury!!!! Brimstone is going to break the leg and back of Vengance!!!

Irvin Fury - Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

* The other stars in the ring, simply look on as Vengance is being squashed. He is reaching out for help, but no one is giving it to him. Instead, they all begin to fight each other. Brimstone is still sitting on the back of Vengance and Vengance has nowhere to go. He keeps reaching and reaching, but nothing is there. Brimstone wrenches back on his injured leg and sits deeper on his back, smothering Vengance under his weight. Brimstone holds this move on him for a couple more seconds, until Vengance stops moving. Danny Davis looks at Vengance and notices that his eyes are closed. *

Danny Davis - He's done!!!! Vengance is knocked out!!!

Irvin Fury - We have our first elimination!!! It's Vengance!! Good try and good riddance!!!

Dean Malenko - The man gave it his all. You shouldn't be so inconsiderate. He's the only man to get Brimstone down on the mat.

Irvin Fury - So. He's gone now.

Sanderson - VENGANCE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!

* Brimstone doesn't release the hold and begins to laugh. Danny Davis and the other stars try to get Brimstone off of Vengance. He pushes them all away and picks up Vengance. He carries him over to the exit door and drops him in front of it. JWA EMT's rush down to check on Vengance. As Brimstone turns around, Vulcan hits a Shining Wizard to send Brimstone against the cage. Triple D is fighting Thug in the center of the ring. TD sends Thug into a corner and climbs up. He screams out and hits the Hell Raisers to the bloody head of Thug. Thug stumbles out of the corner, and falls straight down on his face. Shane comes in and clotheslines TD down. TD kips up and hits a Samoan Drop to a charging Shane. When TD gets up, Thug comes in behind him and locks on a Dragon Sleeper, flips it over and hits the F-5. He hooks the leg and goes for the pin: 1……….2………..3!!!!!!!!!! *

Sanderson - TRIPLE D HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!

Dean Malenko - See ya loud mouth.

Irvin Fury - Hey, hey!!! The man has the right to voice his opinion.

Dean Malenko - The man is a loud mouth. His opinions are so objective, that they only focus on monkey asses and such. Where's the subject matter. Oh, the monkey's ass is the subject matter. He didn't even focus on this match. It was all about Vulcan. That happens when you look past your present opponent. You lose focus and get bitten. Get him outta here.

Irvin Fury - I'm tellin'

* Vulcan is going after Brimstone as he tosses Brimstone into a glass chamber. The glass shatters all over the place as Shane makes it to his feet, Thug locks on a Sleeper Hold. Thug drags Shane back into the ring as Brimstone climbs back into the ring. Vulcan climbs to the top rope and waits for Brimstone to turn around. When he does, Vulcan jumps off and hits a Flying Dangerous DDT. Brimstone is flat on the mat and Vulcan makes a pin: 1………2…….Brimstone powers out of the pin. Shane is swinging in the sleeper and tries to escape. He goes under Thug and hits a backdrop. Vulcan is on top of Brimstone, punching him in the head and face. A bloody Shane wobbles over and pulls Vulcan from Brimstone. *

Dean Malenko - What is he doing? That is absolutely stupid of him!!!

Irvin Fury - He's lost a lot of blood….he probably doesn't know what's going on any longer.

* Shane hits a Belly to Belly suplex on Vulcan, but can't make the pin. Brimstone walks over to Shane and delivers the Ultimate Knee Strikes. Shane is not moving. Brimstone then picks Shane up and crushes him with Revelations. He makes the cover by hooking the leg: 1………..2………….3!!!!!!!!! *

Dean Malenko - My God!!!! Brimstone is destroying everyone in the ring.

Sanderson - SHANE DOUGLAS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!

Irvin Fury - This doesn't look good for Vulcan or Thug.

Dean Malenko - Tell me about it.

* Brimstone goes to pick up Thug, but Thug surprises him and by rolling him up in a small package: 1….2……Brimstone escapes. Vulcan comes in and kicks Brimstone in the ribs. Brimstone hollers out in pain. Vulcan does it again and again. Brimstone begins to cough up blood. *

Dean Malenko - He's weak!!! He's weak!!! Get him!!! Someone get him!!!!

* Brimstone has blood coming from his mouth as he is trying to get to his feet. Thug and Vulcan, tackle him down, stomp and punch him. The crowd is cheering. Brimstone is trying to get away, and tosses Vulcan out of the ring, to the steel floor. He follows after him, but Thug jumps on his back and applies a sleeper. Brimstone turns around and rams Thug, repeatedly into the cage. He grinds the back of Thug against the cage, as Thug screams out. Brimstone takes Thug by his head and throws him into the glass of a chamber. Glass shatter all over the place as Vulcan chop blocks Brimstone. Brimstone falls to his knees and Vulcan hits Hard Punches to his head. A very, very bloody Thug climbs out of the broken glass, as Vulcan is climbing the cage. Brimstone is wobbly on his knees. Thug comes out, only to get grabbed by his throat and chokeslammed down to the steel floor. Brimstone falls backwards and falls through the last remaining chamber. Vulcan seeks the opportunity, jumps off and hits a 5-Star Frog Splash on Thug, on the steel floor. He hooks the leg for a pin: 1……….2………3!!!!!!!!

Sanderson - THUG HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!

Dean Malenko - And now there are two.

Irvin Fury - I can't watch this.

* Brimstone is trying to get out of the broken glass, and he cut his arm very badly. Vulcan is trying to get up as he holds his stomach from that 5-Star Frog Splash. Vulcan gets up and kicks Brimstone in the ribs and kicks him in the face. Vulcan takes Brimstone by his long, stringy hair and rams him into the cage. Brimstone bounces off and falls back into the ring. Vulcan climbs back into the ring, and hits a Flying Heel Kick to Brimstone. Brimstone falls back and gets his arms tangled in the top two ropes. Vulcan exits the ring and grabs a piece of glass. Vulcan enters the ring and proceeds to slice Brimstone across his chest and arms. Brimstone is screaming in agonizing pain and is kicking Vulcan to get away from him. *

Dean Malenko - My God!!! Vulcan is trying to dissect Brimstone!!!

Irvin Fury - Maybe it was Brimstone's head that was in that box. Maybe it was Vulcan who was sending all the gifts.

Dean Malenko - I doubt that.

* Vulcan takes the glass and hold it high for the entire arena to see. Then he grabs the mask of Brimstone. Brimstone begins to shake violently and kick. Vulcan is about to cut the mask off of Brimstone, but Brimstone gets free, and kicks Vulcan in he gut. Brimstone kicks the glass out of Vulcan's hand and hits him in the back with his massive forearm. Vulcan begins to bleed from the mouth. Brimstone lifts Vulcan up and drops him on his head with a modified body slam, in which he calls, The Guiding Light. *

Irvin Fury - That had to hurt. Vulcan was just dropped on his head.

Dean Malenko - That has to be it.

* Brimstone goes for the cover: 1…….2……Vulcan barely gets his shoulder up. Brimstone goes into a frenzy, picks up Vulcan and delivers Revelations. He pins him: 1…………2……….3!!!!!!!! The bell rings as the Elimination Chamber is being raised. *

Sanderson - VULCAN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!! THE WINNER OF THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER AND NEWWWWWW JWA:EWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION……….BRIMSTONE!!!!!!

Dean Malenko - He did it!!!! He did what he said he was going to do. Now JWA:EWA is in trouble!!!

Irvin Fury - Brimstone's dark reign over JWA:EWA has now begun. I might want to work someplace else.

* Al Powers is outside of the ring with a smug look on his face. He takes the belt from the time keepers table and throws it into the ring. Brimstone picks it up and raises it high into the air. Powers leaves the ringside area and disappears into the back. The Gangrel Theme plays as Brimstone holds the JWA:EWA World Heavyweight Championship belt high into the air, over the body of Vulcan. *

Dean Malenko - We must give it up for all of the participants. This was a match for the ages.

Irvin Fury - Dean.

Dean Malenko - Yes, Fury.

Irvin Fury - I'm scared.

Dean Malenko - *silent*


END VIDEO

* The video cuts off and the crowd applauds the showing of the vintage piece of history. Irvin Fury continues to talk about the video. *

Irvin Fury – Al Powers didn’t bother Brimstone too much after the title win because he knew that messing with Brimstone was messing with fire. After that, Brimstone went on to terrorize JWA:EWA for many months until The Rattlesnake defeated him for the championship. After this commercial break, we’re going to have the big one on one match up between Noah Hanson and Red Solomon. Come on back, ya hear……


COMMERCIAL BREAK

[The Council]

* Back from commercial break, Irvin Fury and Jessica Swift discuss the Blast From The Past match. *

Jessica Swift – That was a crazy match.

Irvin Fury – Damn right it was crazy. I haven’t seen an Elimination Chamber like that ever since. JWA:EWA was a trend setter, for sure.

Jessica Swift – And we’re on the verge of making our own path, if things go according to plan.

Irvin Fury – I hope it does, because I’d hate to go to another federation and get misused, mistreated, and witness horrid wrestling.

Jessica Swift – Don’t worry about it, UWA is in good hands.

Irvin Fury – Or nestled in-between twin pillows.

Ally Winters – The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Kansas City, Kansas and weighing in at 237 pounds………..NOAH HANSON!!!!.

* "Breakstuff" by Limp Bizkit blares as Noah slowly makes his way to the ring insulting a few fans along the way. He slides under the bottom rope and then climbs to the top rope and gives the fans the finger. *

Irvin Fury – I hope he remembers that we’re not in Cleveland and that we’re in Texas.

Jessica Swift – I think that was an honest mistake.

Irvin Fury – There’s nothing honest about Noah Hanson. He comes into UWA and thinks he’s above everyone else. Why? Is it because of a small roster that he thinks he can just come in and take over? Well, I got news for him……..it ain’t gonna happen. Snobby bitch.

Jessica Swift – Now I know you’re not talking to me.

Irvin Fury – No, Noah Hanson.

Jessica Swift – OK……

Ally Winters – And his opponent, he is a former Ultimate Wrestling Association Heavyweight Champion………hailing from Bangkok Thailand and weighing in at 220 pounds, he is “The Master of Muay Thai”, the UWA’s Asian Sensation…….REDDDDDD SOLOMON!!!!! The referee will be Shane Thomas.

* The arena darkens, red strobe lights flash, mist rises from the ramp and ominous Gregorian chanting fills the air as Red Solomon steps out from behind the curtain with a sullen look on his face and he just walks down to the ring and rolls in. He stands in the corner and reluctantly bows to both the referee and Noah Hanson. *

Jessica Swift – Many say, since the stipulation that he can no longer go for the UWA Heavyweight Championship while The Grand Mystique or if DJ Styles is champion, Red Solomon is now uninspired; his spirit is broken.

Irvin Fury – My spirit would be broken to if I was told that I couldn’t challenge for the title anymore because of a stupid stipulation. And it wasn’t like he knew of it before the match; Alexia sure does play mind games.

Jessica Swift – Sure she plays mind games, and most of the time, it’s to her advantage. But for Red Solomon to become uninspired, that’s got to be the worst. I mean, he’s so humble and stepping up to a challenge is what he does to better himself.

Irvin Fury – That look on his face sure does look that of a broken man. No smile, no energy, just a slab of meat with legs, walking to the slaughterhouse. Once again, Noah Hanson may get a bit of a challenge, but it’s a sure shot that he may come out victorious once again, AND only because someone wants to take his ball and go home.

Jessica Swift – I guess once you get spoiled, it’s hard to remove that person from the high horse.

Irvin Fury – Shoot the horse, his ass will get down then.

* The bell rings and the two circle the ring and feel each other out then lock up. Noah applies a headlock and wrenches on it a bit. RS sends Noah to the ropes and takes him down with a shoulder tackle. Noah gets down, RS hits the ropes and Noah springs to his feet and executes a dropkick. RS hits the mat and just lays there. Noah looks at him and wonders what is wrong with RS. Noah goes to pick RS but gets rolled up into a small package: 1………Noah escapes and kicks RS to the side as he’s trying to get up. RS gets to his feet and the two start swinging wildly with punches until RS has Noah in a corner. He goes to chop Noah, who ducks and hits a German suplex into the middle of the ring. Noah goes for the pin: 1……………2………….RS kicks out. Noah pulls him to his feet, hits a body slam, bounces off the ropes and hits an elbow drop. He pulls him up, head butts him but then wobbles off. The hard head of RS staggers Noah against the ropes. RS sends Noah to the opposite side of the ropes and leap frogs him; when Noah returns, RS goes for a hip toss, but Noah blocks it, knees RS to the gut, underhooks both arms and hits a double underhook overhead suplex. RS is holding his back in pain as Noah gets up and puts the boots to the former champion until he kicks him out of the ring. *

Jessica Swift – No respect for the former champion, as he’s kicked out of the ring by Noah Hanson. It seems that he’s feeding off the despair of Red Solomon and will do what it takes to bring him further down.

Irvin Fury – That’s leeching off the man’s pain for losing a match he had no idea was high profile. But hey, if he lost, then he lost. He should be out to win them all, whether he knew there was so much on the line or not. I don’t cry for Red Solomon.

Jessica Swift – I sure hope he snaps out of this soon, or he’ll be wrestling dark matches.

Irvin Fury – Yeah, my man Ronnie D will be whuppin’ on him.

Jessica Swift – I thought you didn’t like Ronnie Dwight.

Irvin Fury – I said I don’t like his raps. He sucks at it. But the dude is cool. And those types of guys, you want on your team because they will do anything for respect and to fit in.

Jessica Swift – The blind leading the blind, a loser guiding a loser.

* RS is slow getting up as Noah goes out after him and slams his face down into the apron. He grabs RS by his head, slaps him a few times, then hits him with a closed fist to the head, then launches him into the ring steps. The crowd boos as Noah rolls back and out of the ring to break the count. He stomps on RS and clobbers him a couple more times with punches. He gets up on the apron and when RS gets to a knee, Noah jumps down with a double axe handle to the back and swings a wild punch as RS falls down. Noah rolls into the ring, climbs up on the turnbuckle and taunts the crowd. They boo him as the referee continues to count RS out of the ring. *

Jessica Swift – Truly uninspired. It’s almost like he’s in a different world.

Irvin Fury – Or he’s not here at all.

* RS rolls into the ring at 7 and Noah is there to meet him and hammer an elbow to the top of his head. He drags RS to the center of the ring and knees him to the face several times while holding his head and then slams his face into the mat. Noah pulls him up and hits a snap suplex. He holds onto it and hits another. He goes for the pin: 1………2…….RS kicks out. Noah then drags RS to his feet and hits a standing dropkick, sending RS back into the corner. Noah then runs and executes a monkey flip, sending RS onto his back into the center of the ring. RS gets to his feet and Noah runs and takes him down with a drop toe hold and turns it into a modified STF. RS is struggling to reach for the ropes but Noah jabs his elbow into his jaw, forcing him to pull back to hold his face from the pain. *

Irvin Fury – Looks like Red Solomon isn’t going to last too much longer. He looks to be on drugs and out on his feet. If only his heart wasn’t so soft, he’d have the balls to make a comeback, but I doubt the Warrior from Bankok has a cock to stand on.

Jessica Swift – He’s in dire need to make it to the ropes or this match will be over.

* RS tries to pry the arms of Noah from around his face but Noah is repeatedly jabbing his elbow into his face. Noah releases and stomps RS to the back of his head and drops an elbow. RS tries to get up but Noah grabs him by his hair and slams his face into the corner. He turns him around and slaps his chest red and then ties him up in the Tree of Woe. Noah starts stomping RS repeatedly, causing the referee to start a count on him. He stops stomping at 4 and unties RS’s leg, causing him to land on his head. Noah pulls RS up, chops him, sending him into the ropes, chops him again, whips him to the opposite side, swings but misses, and RS counters with a spinning heel kick out of desperation. The crowd gives little cheer as Noah hops up and RS hits a few shots to the head and whips Noah to the ropes and connects with a flying elbow smash. Noah is slow getting up as RS kicks his foot up and tries to bring the heel down into the head of Noah, but he gets tripped and Noah climbs on top of him and starts pounding away at him with his fists. Noah is hitting him so hard, the back of his head is bouncing of canvas with every blow. Noah gets up and wipes the sweat off his brow and flicks it down towards the former champion. He places his arms in the air and basks in the boos being rained down upon him. *

Jessica Swift – He’s just beating the tar out of Red Solomon. He’s not letting up.

Irvin Fury – He’s preying on the weak. He’s not doing anything special. What will be interesting to see is when and IF he gets booked against a real competitor. Red Solomon is washed up, I’m putting all money on the ground that we’re seeing his last match in a UWA ring.

Jessica Swift – I can’t vouch for that, but I just wish he’d snap out of it so he can show everyone why he was a champion; the longest reigning UWA Champion to date.

Irvin Fury – Well, he’s looking like the longest reigning punching bag for Noah Hanson right now. Look at Noah, all proud of himself, he’s beating on a spiritless punk right now and proud of it. Gutless bitch.

Jessica Swift – Are you talking to me?

Irvin Fury – You’re gutless, he’s the bitch.

* RS is laid flat on the mat as Noah bounces off the ropes and drops a double knee stomp followed by a corkscrew legdrop to the head. RS flounders around like a fish out of water and rolls around on the mat. Noah grabs him and hits a T-Bone suplex. RS is not moving as Noah notices this and nudges him with his foot. RS is not moving, so Noah struggles to lift his dead weight and places RS over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry position then positions his head down his back. Noah cradles his head, runs across the ring and crushes RS with The Summer Blockbuster. RS is twitching in pain on the mat as Noah imitates a Muay Thai arm motion and looks up to the top turnbuckle. The crowd starts to get louder as RS is not moving and Noah points down to him and leaps off, connecting with The Ladykiller square to the face. He then hooks the leg and get the pin: 1……………2………………3!!! The bell rings and Shane Thomas raises Noah Hanson’s arm in victory. *

Ally Winters – THE WINNER OF THE MATCH……………NOAH HANSON!!!!!

Jessica Swift – There you have it fans, Noah Hanson with another victory.

Irvin Fury – A very bitter victory, as he defeated an already self-defeated man. This wins means nothing and I just wish someone with balls would step to the guy and give him a real sweat.

Jessica Swift – Why won’t you do it?

Irvin Fury – I’ve been trying to do it, but you keep turning down my advances.

Jessica Swift – No jackass, I mean, why won’t you challenge Noah Hanson?

Irvin Fury – Jess, I’m about freaks, flows, and hoes. I’m not going to fight a trained killer.

Jessica Swift - …pussy…

Irvin Fury – Offering…..?

Jessica Swift – Fans, up next we-----Noah Hanson has a microphone.

* Noah Hanson paces around the ring as he has a microphone in his hand. He’s gearing to speak about something. *

Noah Hanson – I’ve been here for just about 2 months and I haven’t gotten a true challenge yet. I’m wondering where the true athletes and competitors of UWA are. I didn’t take time out of my busy schedule to grace this ring with my presence to be beating rookies, tired old men, and an ex-champion who has no will to be a fighting champion because his spirit is broken. I want a challenge. I don’t care if it’s for a title or not, I want to see what UWA is made of. So in the coming weeks, someone please….

* Noah drops to his knees in an antagonistic manner and places his hands together as if he’s praying. *

Noah Hanson – …..someone please answer my challenge. I don’t want to run rough shod over this pitiful roster of bums and born losers without breaking a sweat. No, I want someone to rise up and face the man who will be your future UWA Champion. Who’s it going to be? Someone speak, it doesn’t have to be tonight. But make it known…….

* Noah walks over to RS who’s being assisted out of the ring by Shane Thomas, but Noah pushes him out of the way, grabs RS by his head and bashes the microphone into his face, busting him open. He continues to hold the head of RS and starts yelling into his bloodied face. *

Noah Hanson – YOU BLOODY PIECE OF CRAP!!!!! YOU’RE A JOKE AND SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN CHAMPION!!!! YOU’RE A REASON WHY THIS PLACE HAS A BAD NAME!!! NOW GET OUT OF MY RING!!!!

* Noah then tosses RS out of the ring over the top rope. The crowd boos as Noah exits the ring, picks up RS and crushes him with the Owen Driver 99 on the floor. PSA rushes down to stop him from doing further damage, but Noah pushes through and heads to the back. The crowd continues to boo as he turns around, throws his arms into the air and looks at his damage. *

Jessica Swift – What an ass….

Irvin Fury – I told you. Now he’s issued an open challenge to anyone in UWA or the world, as a matter of fact to face him in a match that will test him.

Jessica Swift – We have a few guys who are willing, but are they going to stand up?

Irvin Fury – I hope so, Jess, I hope so.

Jessica Swift – Coming up next, fans, the HUGE match featuring Jason Verve and “The Emissary of Evil” DJ Styles taking on enemies Leon “The Virus” Roberts and “The Menace” Tommy Polo in a hardcore tag team match.

Irvin Fury – What’s the saying for the Saw movies?

Jessica Swift – I’m not into horror movies.

Irvin Fury – Well, I am, and there will be blood. I don’t know how this one is going to turn out but I can’t wait for it to go down.

Jessica Swift – We’ll be back fans.


COMMERCIAL BREAK

[The Council]

COMING SOON





HE’S BEEN ALL AROUND THE WORLD, SO HE KNOWS TO LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDER WHEN TROUBLE IS AROUND





LOOKING INTO HIS EYES, THERE IS NOTHING BUT PURE DETERMINATION TO BE THE VERY BEST





WITH THAT DETERMINATION, HE WILL ONE DAY BECOME A CHAMPION





IN THE SPOTLIGHT, HE WILL EXCEL





HE IS DRAKE DANIELS, THE FUTURE


COMING SOON TO ULTIMATE WRESTLING ASSOCIATION

[The Council]

* Warzone returns with Irvin Fury and Jessica Swift talking about the promo that just aired for the new UWA superstar, Drake Daniels. *

Irvin Fury – Never heard of him.

Jessica Swift – I hope he can come in and help elevate UWA. Also, he’s a handsome devil.

Irvin Fury – So am I.

Jessica Swift – You have a face only a mother or a blind ferret would love. The next match should be one for the ages; a hardcore tag team match.

Irvin Fury – This match came about when Virus and Polo couldn’t get along as commentators at Warzone XIII and their fight spilled into the ring while DJ Styles was taking on Red Solomon. Unfortunately, Jason Verve got involved and ambushed the two, busting them open with a double con-chair-to and now we have this blockbuster match up.

Jessica Swift – There may be a great blood letting this match and it’s not going to be fore the squeamish at heart. So much hate between Polo and Virus, I don’t see how they are going to work out as partners when they couldn’t even get along as commentators.

Irvin Fury – That’s what going to make this match even better because you don’t know who’s going to double cross who first.

Jessica Swift – Wha…….? That’s not good.

Irvin Fury – What? You’re visitor’s late?

Jessica Swift - I’m just getting word in my headset that Jason Verve and Sherry Martinez won’t be making it to this match because they somehow got a staph infection, both of them.

Irvin Fury – Gross. I guess we really are in Cleveland…….get it?

Jessica Swift – No. No I don’t.

Irvin Fury – Noah Hanson would, since he thinks we’re in Cleveland.

Ally Winters – The following contest is a Hardcore Tag Team match. The winner is declared by pinfall or submission anyway in, out, or around the building. Introducing first, hailing from Martin, Georgia, and weighing in at 220 pounds, he is a former UWA Heavyweight Champion………….he is “THE EMISSARY OF EVIL” DJ STYLES!!!!!!!

* “Waking the Demon” by Bullet For My Valentine plays and the light dim. DJ Styles runs out to the entrance and spreads eagle in front of the crowd to a lackluster response. He stiffens his hands to a fist and beats on his chest on his way to the ring ignoring the fans who wish to greet him at the side of the railing. He climbs up the apron and jumps over the top rope. He goes to the top rope and takes off his jacket leaving it on the turnbuckle. He paces around the ring and waits for the bell to ring. *

Jessica Swift – As reported just moments ago, Jason Verve, the partner of DJ Styles will not be in this match due to a staph infection. Looks like DJ will be going at it alone against Virus and Polo.

Irvin Fury – I don’t know if Jason Verve is hanging Styles out to dry or this is yet another step in his transformation into a blood-sucking vamp. Well, whatever it is, Polo and Virus is sure to pick up on it and rip Styles apart.

Jessica Swift – That remains to be seen, but we’ll see if Polo and Virus can stick together to win the match.

Irvin Fury – It ain’t gonna happen.

Ally Winters – I have just gotten word that Jason Verve will not participate in this match due to an undisclosed injury. DJ Styles will now take on both Leon Roberts and Tommy Polo……..alone. So, his opponents, first, accompanied to the ring by Tracie Bottoms; hailing from Washington, DC and weighing in at an even 300 pounds…………….TOMMY POLO!!!!

* “Ain’t No Make Believe” by Stonefree Experience begins to play and Polo comes out to the stage to booing from the crowd. Tracie follows out after him as he ignores the people and flexes on stage. He begins to walk down the ramp and as he walks, pyro explodes behind him on each side of the ramp. He slides into the ring and sits on the middle rope for Tracie to enter, then climbs a corner and flexes for the crowd. *

Irvin Fury - He’s the man.

* Polo motions over to Alice to hand him the microphone. She gives it to him and he starts to speak. *

Tommy Polo – Before this massacre gets started, let me tell you all somethin’. This match was supposed to be a hardcore tag team match and I see that Jason Verve pulled a bitch move and decided to get sick or catch a disease. Whatever it is, fuck him, DJ, you’re ass is going to get destroyed. Now Ally, before you think of announcing my bitch ass partner tonight, let me tell you this first, he ain’t here. That fuck decided that he’s too good for this match and decided to ditch it until something more meaningful comes along, like a title match or somethin’. So I say, fuck him, this match is going to be a one on one hardcore match, balls to the wall. Ya hear that DJ, balls to the wall and I’m rippin’ your balls out and throwin’ them against the wall.

* Polo hopes down from the corner and tosses the microphone out of the ring. He starts pacing around the ring and Ally Winters completes the introduction. *

Ally Winters - The referee will be Maverick Michaels.

Irvin Fury – Truth be told, yet again.

Jessica Swift – This is titanic. We went from Virus and Polo taking on Verve and Styles, down to Polo taking on just Styles.

Irvin Fury – Good ole UWA, chuck full of surprises.

* The bell rings and DJ charges after Polo and starts connecting with forearm shots, backing him into a corner. DJ connects with a kick to the gut and then goes for a tornado DDT, but Polo counters by pushing DJ off and away then he runs up Polo’s chest and connects with a Gile uppercut kick to the face, knocking off Polo’s shades. DJ grabs Polo by the head and then slams it into the turnbuckle from across the ring. He turns Polo around and starts stomping him down. He chokes him down with his boot and connects with another punch. DJ then rolls out of the ring, goes under the ring and pulls out a trash can. He tosses the trash can into the ring and re-enters. When he gets up, Polo grabs a crutch from the debris and cracks it over DJ’s head. DJ falls to the mat and Polo tries to stab down with the jagged edge of the broken crutch but DJ rolls away. Polo throws the crutch at DJ and crushes him in the corner with an avalanche. DJ drops down and rolls out of the ring. *

Jessica Swift – Whatever type of match this is, it isn’t going to disappoint. They are going at it full speed.

Irvin Fury – Styles and Polo never disappoint and I think this is their first encounter.

Jessica Swift – And the way they are going at it, it might be their last.

Irvin Fury – Last for DJ Styles.

* DJ checks his head for blood and doesn’t see any, then he tries to re-enter the ring and gets pulled in by Polo. DJ drops Polo’s throat across the top rope and then does a springboard flying elbow to the jaw of Polo, staggering the big man. DJ hits the ropes, ducks a swing by Polo, bounces off the ropes and connects with a backflip tornado DDT. He picks up the trash can and dumps out the rest of the plunder. He picks up a leather strap and starts whipping opponent. Polo starts yelling in pain as his opponent is flaying his flesh. Tracie climbs up on the top rope and dives off, taking DJ down with a cross body block, helping her man out. She slides out of the ring and as Polo is down, Virus runs down the ramp and slides into the ring and goes after DJ Styles. The crowd gives a mixed reaction. *

Irvin Fury – What the hell? I thought he wasn’t here.

Jessica Swift – Leon “The Virus” Roberts has entered the ring and is attacking DJ Styles.

Irvin Fury – Yeah but…………I thought he wasn’t here.

Jessica Swift – Polo must have been lying about Virus not being available and something happened to him to tie him up.

Irvin Fury – Yeah but…………I thought he wasn’t here.

Jessica Swift – OK, I get it.

* Virus is punching DJ out in the corner, then Tracie slides in an object to Polo and he lurks behind Virus as he’s welling away at DJ. When Virus turns around, Polo blasts him with the object over the head, causing a spray of blood, as Virus slumps to the mat, quivering and twitching. His eyes are rolling into his head as he convulses on the mat. DJ looks on as Polo wipes the sweat from his brow and flicks it down onto Virus then rolls out of the ring. DJ then drops down and pins Virus: 1…………..2…………3!!! The bell rings, ending this wild hardcore match. *

Ally Winters – THE WINNER or WINNERS OF THE MATCH, DJ STYLES and JASON VERVE!!!!!!

Jessica Swift – This is getting deadly between these two. A wrench? He blasted him square between the eyes with a wrench.

Irvin Fury – All that isn’t well…..must be dealt with. These two have a genuine hatred for each other and Polo just displayed how much he hates Virus by busting him in the head with a steel wrench.

Jessica Swift – Virus won’t stop convulsing. The EMTs are on their way to help him. Damn that Polo, damn him.

* The EMTs rush to the ring and try to assist Virus. He’s convulsing real bad and they are trying to hold him down, as blood continues to spurt from the huge wound on Virus’ forehead. The wound is so bad, it is visible to see blood bubbling from the crack in his face. Polo and Tracie head up the ramp, without looking back, but he says this to the camera…….. *

Tommy Polo – Fuck him. If he dies, he dies.

Jessica Swift – It can’t be that serious Polo. You should be suspended.

Irvin Fury – Hell no. Without Polo, there would hardly be any entertainment in UWA, next to my stellar commentary, that is.

Jessica Swift – Grrrr, we’ll be back fans.

* The EMTs are strapping Virus to the stretcher and the camera shows the bloody wrench that was used to bust him wide open. *

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[The Council]

* Warzone returns with Irvin Fury and Jessica Swift talking about what transpired before the break. Replays are shown of Tommy Polo blasting Virus with a metal wrench, over the head to give DJ Styles the win over his team. *

Replay
* ……Tracie slides in an object to Polo and he lurks behind Virus as he’s welling away at DJ. When Virus turns around, Polo blasts him with the object over the head, causing a spray of blood, as Virus slumps to the mat, quivering and twitching. His eyes are rolling into his head as he convulses on the mat. DJ looks on as Polo wipes the sweat from his brow and flicks it down onto Virus then rolls out of the ring. DJ then drops down and pins Virus: 1…………..2…………3!!! The bell rings, ending this wild hardcore tag team match. *

Irvin Fury – That was the most………….called for thing I’ve seen in a long time.

Jessica Swift – Are you serious? Polo crushed Virus’ skull with a steel wrench. He could have just killed him. And besides that, I thought you and Virus were on buddy-buddy terms?

Irvin Fury – I was only using him to get to Jake Titan, and as you can see, that didn’t happen either. Virus was just a pawn in my game and he got dealt with, not only by Jake Titan but by my main man, Tommy Polo.

Jessica Swift – You’re a sad, sad man, you know that? Virus is on the way to the hospital with a possible fractured skull and you don’t even care.

Irvin Fury – You see no tears trickling down my face.

Jessica Swift – Let’s get to the main event.

Ally Winters – The following contest is the main event and it’s for the ULTIMATE WRESTLING ASSOCIATION HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! and it’s scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, the challenger, hailing from Castro Street in San Francisco, California, and weighing in at 198 pounds………………..CAKE BOY MARY!!!!!

* “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls starts playing as pink, purple, and white lights start to strobe around the stage, as glitter falls from the rafters, showering the entire crowd. Then Cake Boy Mary, dressed in his patented pink diamond encrusted feather robe walks out to the stage waving to the crowd. Men in different outfits such as business suits, road workers, fisherman, football players, police officers, rappers, and gymnasts rush from behind the curtain and surround him. He unfastens the robe belt and drops it to the ground, exposing his outrageous leather and studded short shorts and vest. He starts gyrating on stage ala Rick Rude and then starts giving hard pelvic thrusts as the men run circles around him, feeling up his body. The men circle him once more then head to the back with the last guy picking up his robe and gives Cake Boy Mary a long hard kiss in the mouth. Cake Boy smacks his ass then the guy prances away. Cake Boy makes his way down the ramp by skipping and does the Melina split to enter the ring. Cake Boy jumps up on the top rope and lays there, waiting for his opponent. *

Irvin Fury – Fans, we are on the horizon of a new era. I just have this feeling that The Grand Mystique isn’t going to hold up his end of the bargain and defend UWA from being overrun by this flaming fairy and his cohorts.

Jessica Swift – Well, at least, if he does win, UWA will get a makeover. There’s nothing wrong with Cake Boy Mary becoming champion.

Irvin Fury – Let him become champion first, then I’ll complain about what’s wrong with it.

Ally Winters – And his opponent; hailing from the deepest, darkest side of the cosmos, and weighing in at 277 pounds, he is the current Ultimate Wrestling Association Heavyweight Champion…………….THE GRAND MYSTIQUE!!!! The referee will be Jim “Old School” Mills.

* “Headstrong” by Trapt plays to the arena. After a few seconds the bright house lights go off but the music continues to the arena. The house spotlights come up and are focused on all four corners of the ring. They change colors rapidly. Then the music stops. Then both sides of the entrance ramp, there are five or six short bursts of steam, followed by small firework going off by the Ultima-Tron 9000 screen. The house lights returns and the music starts back up again. GM is in ring, standing on a turnbuckle, dangling the UWA Championship from one hand. He is facing towards the ring with his arms outstretched and back towards the crowd. He then turns holds the title belt over his head and shows it off to the crowd. He then hops down from the corner and starts pacing around the ring, anticipating the beginning of the match. *

Irvin Fury – Finally, the man of mystery is out of hiding. Well, Mr. Mystique, it’s up to you to put this dude in his place and be who you say you are…….and that’s a champion. I will not look at you the same if you drop the title to this guy. I already have mixed feelings about you, but if you lose to this guy, then you’re no better than he is.

Jessica Swift – Boy, air it out will ya. You’re making it out as if he’s lost already.

Irvin Fury – He defeated himself by going into hiding. Once you show that sign of weakness, then you have already lost. The Grand Mystique ran and hid, throwing a fit in the dark room where he sucked his thumb and burped that crap about retaining the title. That was so weak and I’m not looking forward to seeing him hand UWA over to this pansy.

Jessica Swift – Let the match happen and we’ll see if you’re overreacting, as usual.

Irvin Fury – Overreacting? This is reality, and the reality of it all is that The Grand Mystique turned tail and ran when he came up against this soft opponent who got a lucky shot in. Now he’s going to turn the reigns of UWA over to a guy who wears lip gloss and lace. I will never forgive you Mystique, never.

* The bell rings as CBM turns and points to his ass then smacks it. GM is steady in his motions as they go to lock up in the center of the ring and they do a test of strength. CBM is dancing in place as he’s enjoying the touch of the champion. GM kicks him to the gut and hits a forearm shiver to the side of the jaw. It rocks CBM into the ropes as GM chops him and sends him to the opposite side, where he hits an inverted atomic drop. CBM holds himself and GM takes him down with a clothesline. CBM rolls to his knees as GM bounces off the ropes and connects with a Yakuza kick to the face. GM pulls CBM up and hits a European uppercut, causing CBM’s arms to flail around. GM hammers CBM across the back with a forearm and follows with a kneelift. CBM is down on his side as GM stomps him and connects with punches to the head. GM continues to connect with punches until Jim Mills steps in and pulls him away while he continues to kick at him. *

Jessica Swift – The Grand Mystique is furious. That exchange simply shows his frustrations as Jim Mills had to step in to stop him.

Irvin Fury – I don’t know why. If The Grand Mystique overpowers him, then so be it. Cake Boy is going to have to defend himself because he’s a mark. The Grand Mystique is still going to have to win this match to maintain and self dignity and to even be respected in my book.

Jessica Swift – Your book is unofficial. What you say, doesn’t always go.

* CBM is trying to shake off the assault and pulls himself up with the help of the ropes. GM pushes Jim Mills away and kicks CBM in the side, connects with a forearm shot to the head and kicks him out of the ring again. CBM falls to the floor as GM goes out after him and connects with a double axe handle to the back as he jumps off the apron. GM lifts CBM up and drops him throat first across the barricade. GM stomps on CBM repeatedly and delivers punch after punch to the head. The crowd is giving a mixed reaction as GM storms around the ring and pushes a fan from his seat. He grabs the chair, closes it and runs at the sitting CBM, and misses with a missile dropkick to the face with the chair. CBM rolls out of the way in time and is struggling to get up with the help of the apron. As he leans against the apron, GM approaches and gets caught with a few kick to the gut by CBM. CBM returns with the Helicopter punches and then followed by a blatant kick to the groin. Jim Mills urges both men to get back into the ring. CBM rolls in and is trying to catch his breath as GM slowly re-enters the ring. CBM goes to pick up GM but catches a throat thrust and then a kick to the head. CBM hits the mat as GM starts choking CBM and Mills begins to count him: 1…………….2……………….3……………..4……….GM breaks the illegal choke, then starts doing it again: 1………………2………………3……………….4……………GM breaks and stares coldly at the referee. *

Irvin Fury – Look at him; he’s acting all upset that he’s in such a predicament. If he won his match on the last show, then he wouldn’t have to worry about having to “bash” Cake Boy to get over.

Jessica Swift – You can’t win them all, Fury.

Irvin Fury – Shit, yeah. I’m Irvin Fury, the Superman Lover. I win them all day, everyday.

Jessica Swift – Whatever……

* GM gets up and measures CBM for a running move and when he charges at CBM, CBM ducks and sends GM over the top rope, but he lands on the apron. When CBM turns around, GM rakes his eyes, then does a springboard clothesline back into the ring. He goes for the cover: 1…………2…………CBM kicks out. GM then hurries to the top rope but is a bit slow turning around, giving CBM a chance to get up and flop across the top rope, causing GM to crotch himself. CBM then starts to climb up with GM and stands in front of him. He then holds his head close to his crotch, gives him a few pelvic thrusts to the face then executes a frankensteiner. CBM goes for the cover: 1………….2……..GM kicks out. CBM then prances around the ring, flapping his arms and when GM gets up, CBM plants a big kiss on him, and as he’s wiping his mouth, CBM does the Miss Thang. GM is offended and stalks CBM furiously with his right arm cocked back and swings wildly, missing a hard punch. CBM tries to lean out of the ring so GM can’t hit him but GM drags him into the ring and goes for a body slam, but CBM blocks it by locking his leg around GM’s leg and then he starts humping him. GM backs away and then CBM hits more Helicopter punches. GM rakes his eyes as a counter and headbutts CBM to the mat. CBM is trying to hold onto GM’s leg but GM stomps on his hand and drops a knee to the back of his head. GM pulls CBM up and throws him into a corner, runs in after him and eats a back elbow from CBM, then CBM jumps up on the middle rope and hits a Smackdown DDT from the middle rope. He goes for the cover, hooking the leg with his leg and giving slight humping motions: 1……………2…………..GM kicks out. CBM rolls to his feet and measures GM for a move, when he stands, GM ducks a roundhouse kick, sweeps the legs out from under CBM and drops an elbow of his own. GM then steps on the groin of CBM and stomps down one good time. Mills warns GM of moves like that as GM ignores him and pulls CBM up and chops him into a corner. GM is punishing CBM with rights and lefts to the head and torso, causing CBM to slump down into the corner and GM places his boot into the face of CBM and does a face wash. GM starts walking around the ring, making motions that the belt is around his waist. *

Jessica Swift – The Grand Mystique is feeling confident in there. He feels that he’s in complete control of this match.

Irvin Fury – Well he better be. The fate of UWA is in his hands and I don’t think any crystal ball could have told him that. He should know that by instinct.

Jessica Swift – His instinct should be to retain the title and not because Cake Boy Mary is different.

Irvin Fury – Then there’s his secondary reason to win this match.

* GM pulls CBM out of the corner and connects with a snap suplex. He floats over, pulls CBM’s head up and starts punching away at him until he draws blood. Mills pulls GM away once again and GM grabs Mills by his shirt and jerks him into a corner. But a furious CBM sees the blood drawn, wipes it with his hands and stands up. He approaches GM from behind and wipes the blood into his face and then rolls him up into a school boy pin: 1………….2……..GM escapes. CBM is trying to get up and GM hammers him down with a diving axe handle. GM can’t believe he’s has CBM’s blood on his mask and on his lips and nose. He starts kicking the ropes and pounding the turnbuckle. He starts to stomp CBM out of the ring and follows out after him. He lifts CBM up and drops him down across the barricade again and then flips him over into the crowd. Mills follows after them and GM starts beating CBM in the crowd. GM starts flinging chairs all about and connects with a forearm shot to the back of CBM’s neck. He picks him up and hits a neckbreaker on the floor. GM stomps CBM even more and then launches him into the barricade. CBM has blood coming from a cut between his eyes as GM focuses on the wound and throws various items at him. Jim Mills is trying to restore order and then he starts counting GM out of the ring. *

Irvin Fury – That’s right, Mystique. Be a bitch beater. Beat that bitches ass.

Jessica Swift – That’s be the only way for him to walk out of this match with the title, is if he gets himself disqualified. And that’s the cheap route of retaining the title.

Irvin Fury – Then I hope he does get himself disqualified. I can’t fathom having UWA with a “gay” champion.

Jessica Swift – Get over it, Fury. “Gay” is here to stay.

Irvin Fury – Gross.

* GM climbs over the barricade to get back into the ring, but CBM holds onto his leg and yanks on it to make GM slam his face into the top of the barricade. CBM then applies a sleeper on GM and wraps his legs across his waist. GM is stumbling around through the crowd, then CBM jumps down and tackles GM down to the floor. On the floor, he starts to give GM the Body Rub, then while he’s down, he applies The Circumsizer. GM is screaming in pain as CBM has a tight grip on his nuts and brings him to his feet. The crowd is cheering as CBM drags GM through the crowd and brings him over the barricade, still holding onto his nuts. At ringside, CBM delivers a hard left hand to the head, causing GM to roll back into the ring. CBM’s wound continues to drip blood as he gets up on the apron and goes for a slingshot legdrop to the back of GM’s head as he was trying to get up. He turns him over and pins him: 1……….2………..GM kicks out. CBM then pulls GM up and whips him into the ropes but GM stops short as CBM bends over and DDTs him. GM rolls to his feet and sits CBM up, executes several stiff kicks to the back and chest, hits the ropes and connects with a front dropkick to the face. He goes for the cover: 1…………2…………CBM kicks out. GM then goes to the top rope and connects with the suicide cannonball dive onto the chest of CBM and he hooks the leg for a pin again: 1…………….2……….CBM kicks out. GM pulls him up, body slams him, hits the ropes and hits a leg drop. GM hits the ropes again and hits another leg drop. He looks down at CBM, who’s face is turning red from the blood and the pounding. GM hits the ropes and hits another leg drop, gets up quickly and hits a jumping leg drop right across the chest. *

Jessica Swift – My goodness. He’s trying to pulverize Mary. Four big leg drops is enough to put down a bull.

* GM then pulls CBM up and goes for the Hand of Prophecy, but CBM blocks it and tries to deliver so rib shots and takes the legs of GM out from under him and then he quickly goes for the Lavender Leaf (cloverleaf) and locks it in. GM is screaming pain as the second wind of CBM has kicked in. CBM has it cinched in but GM is fighting it and reaching for the ropes. He’s clutching at his head and reaching out of desperation. He tries to push himself up and then reach, but with each try, CBM falls deeper on his back. He tries again and scoots himself closer to the ropes and reaches. His screams and groans can be heard throughout the AT&T Center. Jim Mills is looking to see if GM wants to give up but he shakes his head “NO” and continues to fight through the submission hold. *

Jessica Swift – God that has to hurt. It pains just looking at it.

Irvin Fury – The Leaf is a painful hold. Especially when you have someone like Cake Boy Mary locking it in on ya. He’s “dominating” The Grand Mystique.

Jessica Swift – It’s been pretty even. But when Mary makes his counters, they are a bit more potent.

Irvin Fury – Potent like that nasty blood of his. Ewwww.

* GM is still screaming and reaching for the ropes and he’s about to tap with his hand up in the air but in one last try, he reaches and grabs the bottom rope. The crowd respects his determination and cheers him. CBM drags him back into the center of the ring by his leg and then tries to lock on The Castro but GM kicks CBM away and he goes flying head first into the ring post, through the turnbuckles. CBM is stunned and moving real slow, as GM slowly gets up and forces him onto his back. *

Irvin Fury – I think Cake Boy hit his head on the ring post. Won’t be the first time he bumped his head on anything. Commonly it’s a wall or headboard.

* GM covers the challenger: 1……………2…………CBM narrowly gets a shoulder up. GM pulls him up and hits a piledriver and goes for the pin again: 1…………..2………..CBM kicks out. GM pulls him up and headbutts him between the eyes, staggering him into a corner. GM connects with multiple kicks to the gut, hops up and connects with the Rib Cracker. CBM is spread eagle on the mat as GM sees this is a moment to get the win. So he picks up CBM, places him on his shoulders and goes for the Big Bang, but CBM counters into a roll up pin: 1………………..2………….GM escapes. CBM falls against the ropes and GM clotheslines him out of the ring. GM exits the ring and pulls out a table and sets it up. As CBM re-enters the ring, Jim Mills is looking at the cut on his face and GM is about to re-enter the ring but CBM grabs Jim Mills and pulls him into the direction of GM, knocking him off the apron and almost falling through the table he set up. Mills warns CBM of grabbing him and then GM grabs CBM’s legs and drags him out of the ring. The two are exchanging blows and GM hits a knee to the gut, followed by a European uppercut then grabs him into a suplex position, holds it and finishes a stalling suplex through the table at ringside. The crowd is chanting………….. *

HOLY SHIT!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!

* Jim Mills simply looks on with his hands on his head. *

Irvin Fury – Why doesn’t he disqualify The Grand Mystique for sending Mary through the table?

Jessica Swift – Maybe he wants this to play out with a real winner.

Irvin Fury – He’s making rules up as he goes along. He was counting earlier. What kind of shit is this? Not fair.

Jessica Swift – Neither is life or working with you.

* He doesn’t disqualify GM and simply waits for the two to get out of the wreckage. GM starts to climb into the ring first and then CBM makes his way to his feet, swaying around, with a huge gash on his back. He staggers to the apron and GM pulls him in by his hair. CBM tries to gauge the eyes of GM but GM suplexes him back into the ring. GM goes for the pin: 1…………….2………..CBM kicks out. GM starts slapping the mat in frustration and gets up. He starts shoving Jim Mills to count faster and when he turns around, CBM kips up and connects with a superkick that causes GM to fall down into a corner. CBM then looks out at the cheering crowd, approaches GM, winds up his hips and starts hitting the 10-thrust combination to the face. CBM starts prancing around the ring as GM gets out of the corner wiping his face and then he goes for a clothesline, misses and gets put into position for Forced Entry, but GM rolls through and rolls up CBM into a modified pin: 1……………..2…………he escapes. The two get up at the same time and connects with simultaneous punches, bounces back onto the ropes and meet in the middle with CBM using a backslide pin: 1…………….2…………GM escapes. They get up at the same time again with GM grabbing CBM and hitting a belly to belly suplex. GM starts yelling and goes to pull CBM up but CBM surprises him and rolls him up into a small package: 1……………..2…………….3!!!!! The bell rings and the crowd explode, as “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls starts playing. Confetti and all sorts of “funny” stuff starts happening around the ring. Guys start running from the back and fill the ring up. *

Ally Winters – THE WINNER OF THE MATCH………….AND NEEEWWWWW ULTIMATE WRESTLING ASSOCIATION HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION……………….CAKE BOY MARRYYYYY!!!!

Irvin Fury – I don’t believe it.

Jessica Swift – Believe it. Cake Boy Mary has captured the UWA Heavyweight Championship.

Irvin Fury – When’s the last check coming? Because UWA is going to close down and most of the roster is going to put in for early retirement. This is disgusting.

* Huge DIX and other friends of Cake Boy Mary enter the ring and hoist him up into the air. A bleeding Mary cries as he’s handed the UWA Heavyweight Championship and holds it up over his head. He kisses it and holds it up again. The Grand Mystique simply leaves the ring and walks to the back as the celebration continues on in the ring. Mary is hugging everyone while crying and A-Rod and Wilcox wrap the belt around his waist and place him up on their shoulders again. The crowd is cheering as rainbow colored confetti continues to fall from the rafters. Blood continues to drip from the face of the new champion and stream down his back from the gash. He walks around the ring and holds the belt up at all four sides of the ring and the crowd cheers him. He continues to wipe tears from his eyes. *

Jessica Swift – They say he couldn’t do it. But he did it. Cake Boy Mary is the new UWA Champion.

Irvin Fury – You already said that.

Jessica Swift – Just wanted to make sure you knew or if someone is just tuning in.

Irvin Fury – Well, if they are just tuning in, this is the last UWA Warzone because no one is going to watch a gay champion and the talent will quit so they’ll be nothing to look forward to.

Jessica Swift – If the talent quits because of a gay champion, then they are in the wrong profession. Maybe being a Klansman should be a career path for them. If they think they’re tough enough to take the championship, then they are going to have to be better than the new UWA Champion, Cake Boy Mary.

* Covers his ears. *

Irvin Fury – SHUT UP!!!!! I CAN’T STAND TO HEAR IT!!!!!

* Warzone starts to fade out as the fellas are hoisting Cake Boy Mary in the air, while he’s wearing the belt and blowing kisses to the crowd. *

Jessica Swift – See you in two weeks fans.

Irvin Fury – We won’t exist in two weeks………….


END SHOW